Rock Bottom With Ryan

Breaking Toxic Relationship Cycles in Recovery | Rock Bottom with Ryan (ft. Amber)
Ryan and Amber discuss how witnessing unhealthy, abusive relationships in childhood led them to normalize toxicity, stay too long in harmful dynamics, and repeat patterns in adult romantic and non-romantic relationships, especially during active addiction. They explore how sobriety and recovery work—therapy, sponsorship, inner-child and codependency work—helped them recognize red flags earlier, stop confusing chaos with passion, and take accountability for their own harmful behaviors, including people-pleasing, avoidance, passive-aggression, and using substances to numb relationship pain. Amber describes sabotaging calm relationships, feeling triggered by yelling, and realizing how short relationships surfaced deeper grief and abandonment wounds. They emphasize communication, asking hard questions early, setting boundaries, tolerating discomfort, maintaining a sense of self, and building connection and community as key to healing and healthier relationships.
 
00:00 Toxic Patterns Learned 01:15 Show Intro Sponsor 02:20 Episode Setup Relationships 04:21 Using Buddies vs Friends 06:20 Insecurity and Validation 07:05 Childhood Chaos Imprints 09:26 Emotional Abuse Blindspots 11:16 Triggered Fight Response 13:32 Addicted to Chaos 17:23 Spotting Red Flags Early 18:48 Dating and Drinking Patterns 20:32 Numbing Breakups with Drugs 22:46 Trying to Save Partners 25:50 Trauma Bonding Explained 28:04 Overthinking and Boundaries 30:14 Yelling Shutdown and Listening 32:17 Owning Past Reactions 33:01 Hard Talks In Dating 35:15 Ghosting And Anxiety Spirals 38:03 Staying Present Uncomfortable 38:46 Marriage Lessons And Childhood 41:51 Finding Sense Of Self 44:55 Aha Moments And Trauma Roots 50:20 Dating Boundaries In Sobriety 53:09 Connection Over Addiction 54:28 Peace Through Communication 59:25 Closing Takeaways And Outro

Plant Medicine, Recovery & Transformation | Behold Retreats (Costa Rica, Mexico, Portugal) | Rock Bottom with Ryan Ryan welcomes Sarah and Danny from Behold Retreats to discuss psychedelic-assisted healing and transformation through traditional ceremonies with ayahuasca, psilocybin, and bufo. Danny shares his path from depression after divorce to 16 years in plant medicine work, while Sarah describes moving from the U.S. and leaving a finance career, reflecting on alcohol use, integrity, and self-discovery. They explain Behold’s evolution from an intense four-day jungle retreat to “The Guide Inside” model emphasizing comfort, safety, and deep work supported by a care team and medicine team. They outline misconceptions about psychedelics as “drugs,” screening and invite-only participation, preparation (“dieta”), a seven-week program with integration, and why some conditions (e.g., schizophrenia) may be contraindicated. They describe common motivations from rock bottom to high achievers seeking meaning, the importance of integration and delaying major decisions, frequent work with addiction by addressing root causes, and Behold’s growth across Costa Rica, Mexico, and Portugal. They were also featured on Netflix's Enigma Documentary.
 
00:00 Comfort Enables Deep Healing 01:06 Sponsor Message Break 02:11 Meet Sarah and Danny 02:52 Danny’s Plant Medicine Origin 06:21 Sarah’s Path and Integrity 11:39 Building Behold Retreats 14:36 Safety First Ceremony Design 16:22 Drugs vs Medicine Misconceptions 19:46 Who Benefits and Why 23:56 Screening and Readiness 26:24 Breakthroughs and Integration 31:32 From First Call to Invite 32:32 Retreat Prep and Dieta 33:14 Ceremony Flow and Integration 34:40 Community and Lasting Change 35:26 Building a Controversial Organization 38:03 Purpose Over Profit 41:11 Addiction Healing and Relapse 45:28 Spirituality Defined 47:33 Ego Death Explained 50:40 Rock Bottom and Prevention 53:44 Advice and How to Reach Them 57:44 Final Messages and Wrap Up

From Childhood Trauma to Heroin Rock Bottom: Damaris’ Recovery Story | Rock Bottom with Ryan
 
On Rock Bottom with Ryan, Damaris shares her sobriety date (3/13/19) and a journey marked by childhood abuse, feeling different and unheard in a Hispanic household, and early substance use that escalated from alcohol and marijuana to meth and many other drugs, with heroin ultimately bringing her to her knees. She describes meth’s calming effect due to ADHD, severe heroin dependence, seven overdoses, hiding her addiction, and a 2017 DUI, followed by failed attempts to detox alone. After a humiliating comment from a fire chief and a pivotal moment of surrender, she entered treatment, embraced AA, boundaries, therapy, and faith, and found peace in sobriety. Now married, living in Arizona, and recovering out loud, she urges honesty, willingness, and seeking help.
 
00:00 Protecting Mom Secretly 01:01 Show Intro Sponsor 02:15 Meet Damaris Basics 03:33 Violent Childhood Abuse 04:52 Silence And Fear 06:31 Anger Boils Over 07:19 Feeling Different Growing Up 09:17 No Mental Health Talk 11:14 First Drinks And Lies 12:13 Weed And Belonging 13:24 First Meth And Psychosis 16:44 Meth ADHD Calm 18:43 Heroin Enters 2017 20:11 Heroin Hook And High 22:54 Withdrawal And Hustling 25:19 Hiding Addiction Publicly 26:50 DUI Wake Up Call 29:13 DUI Wake Up Call 29:52 Facing the Real Consequences 31:08 Rejecting AA and Spiraling 32:21 Signs and Near Death Moments 34:31 Mirror Moment and Calling Help 37:58 Treatment and Surrendering Control 39:35 AA Steps and God’s Humor 41:35 Recovery Out Loud 43:53 Faith and Early Spiritual Roots 47:26 Boundaries and Peaceful New Life 50:51 More Battles and Purpose 52:44 Advice for Getting Honest 56:10 Final Thanks and Sign Off

From Party Girl to Recovery: Alice on Cocaine, Alcohol, Trauma & Finding Hope | Rock Bottom with Ryan
In this episode of Rock Bottom with Ryan, Alice from Cheltenham, UK shares her recovery story, including childhood trauma, early rebellion and trouble with authority, and how alcohol and cocaine became her drugs of choice. She describes first drinking at 13, seeking out drugs, and a chaotic progression into heavy partying, stripping from age 18, and escalating use during COVID, including spending hundreds of pounds a week, morning drinking/using, paranoia, and repeated benders. Alice discusses a failed attempt at sobriety, dangerous withdrawal symptoms, a one-night relapse at 99 days, and ultimately committing to 12-step recovery with support from sober connections. She explains why she began sharing on social media after a year sober, navigating sober events like weddings, and how exercise, routines, and upcoming psychotherapy help her manage anxiety and trauma in recovery.
 
00:00 Early Sobriety Wake Up 00:53 Starting Recovery Content 01:13 Podcast Intro Sponsor 02:33 Meet Alice Her Story 04:12 Childhood Trauma Roots 06:24 School Fear Rebellion 09:01 Trouble With Police 12:12 First Drink Red Flags 14:11 Teen Drinking Escalates 18:54 Stripping Scene Addiction 22:28 Lockdown Court Case Spiral 23:41 Relationships Secrecy Costs 25:52 Habit Spending Breakdown 26:54 Dry January Breakdown 30:23 Finding Recovery Support 33:39 Relapse and Commitment 35:55 Sober Weddings Reality 41:02 Therapy and Career Shifts 44:31 Managing Anxiety Sober 46:16 Worst Day vs Best Day 50:18 Advice and Farewell

Told He Had 6 Months to Live: Lee Crompton on Surviving Anaplastic Thyroid Cancer & Mental Health |
Rock Bottom In this episode of Rock Bottom with Ryan, guest Lee Crompton shares how a lump in his neck during the 2020 COVID lockdown led from inconclusive tests to surgery and a shocking diagnosis of rare anaplastic thyroid cancer, with an initial prognosis where “six months would be a positive outcome.” Lee describes the fear, isolation, and practical “admin” of preparing for death while raising a three-year-old and an eight-month-old, undergoing a second operation to remove his thyroid, radioactive iodine treatment, and continued scans and bloodwork. Nearly six years later, he reflects on the mental health impact of both expecting to die and then surviving, how it gave him permission to talk openly about anxiety and depression, and how that led to his Mindcake podcast exploring varied mental health approaches.
 
00:00 Neck Lump Scare 04:21 Lockdown Life Stress 06:13 Tests And Tough Choices 09:02 Diagnosis Changes Everything 12:01 Second Surgery And Prognosis 14:12 Facing Mortality Admin 17:00 Mental Health Aftermath 21:18 Pain Story And Stigma 25:14 Kids Legacy And Memories 29:19 Moving On And Milestones 30:09 Separate Timelines 31:47 Living in Treatment Mode 33:33 Hope After Prognosis 37:41 Dodging the Bullet 38:47 What Really Matters 41:52 Brian and the Play 43:24 Mindcake Origins 47:17 Trying Weird Therapies 49:43 This Too Shall Pass 54:43 Advice and Small Steps 58:18 Where to Find Mindcake

From Crack, DWIs & Jail to Recovery Coach: Scott’s Rock Bottom Story | Rock Bottom with Ryan
 
In this episode of Rock Bottom with Ryan, guest Scott (sober since 1/8/18) shares how he grew up in small-town upstate New York in a strained, chaotic home with an alcoholic father, early behavioral issues, school expulsions, and criminal activity that escalated into decades of heavy drinking and drug use. Scott describes working in kitchens where partying was constant, multiple DWIs that led to felony charges and probation violations, and eight months in jail followed by immediate relapse. After years of cycling through substances, he spiraled into crack use, dealing, and suicidal thoughts before surrendering and flying to South Florida for detox and treatment. Scott explains how 12-step support, service, sober living, therapy, and building honest relationships helped him rebuild his life, improve his relationship with his son, and become a certified recovery support specialist, case manager, and recovery coach helping others seek help and stay sober. 00:00 Kitchen Life Begins
 
00:40 Probation Spiral 00:56 Addiction Explained 01:19 Show Intro Sponsor 02:48 Meet Scott 04:08 Upstate Childhood 05:58 Neglect And Trouble 07:17 Teen Party House 09:35 Selling And Stealing 11:23 School Failure Cooking 12:14 Kitchen Party Cycle 13:16 DWIs And Felony 16:09 Court Drunk Probation 17:26 Drug Court Jail Time 20:13 Jail Mindset Relapse 24:01 Relationships As Escape 25:59 Identity In Drugs 27:15 Breaking Point Surrender 32:54 Florida Rehab Decision 34:08 Last Blizzard Binge 35:10 Insurance Ultimatum 37:05 First Days in Detox 39:47 Recovery Lightbulb 42:16 Sponsor and Steps 43:41 Sober Living Reset 45:35 Triggers and Tape 47:20 Fatherhood From Afar 51:56 Therapy and Connection 54:20 Recovery Career Path 57:49 Surrender and Hope 59:38 Relapse History and Milestones 01:00:59 Closing Reflections

From War, Nightlife & Cocaine to Sobriety: JR’s Rock Bottom and Rebuilding Through Fitness
On Rock Bottom with Ryan, JR shares how barely graduating high school and later serving as an Army forward observer—deploying to Iraq after 9/11, losing friends, and returning with panic attacks—led to diagnoses of ADHD, bipolar II, and PTSD and fueled escalating drinking and drug use. After finding success in restaurants, JR entered the nightclub world, became a DJ/promoter with major gigs, and spiraled into daily whiskey and cocaine, legal trouble, toxic relationships, cheating, and suicidal thoughts. A degrading night of sex behind a club and the damage he caused to a girlfriend pushed him to attend AA, where he stopped drinking in 2018. Though initially a “dry drunk,” he later rebuilt his life through prayer, routines, fitness, nutrition, integrity, and purpose, ultimately becoming a coach focused on identity change, environment, and self-development.
 
00:00 Diploma Drama 00:23 Mental Health Spiral 00:41 Bar Pickup Gone Wrong 00:54 Show Intro and Sponsor 02:34 Meet JR and Sober Date 04:02 Childhood and Family 05:55 School Struggles and Sports 07:06 Joining the Army 08:44 First Drugs in Nashville 11:31 9/11 and Iraq Deployment 13:32 PTSD Diagnosis and Drinking 14:44 Nightlife DJ Success 17:52 Addiction Takes Over 18:30 Felony Charge and Probation 20:51 Dark Days and Suicidal Thoughts 22:29 Toxic Relationships and Fatherhood 24:43 Approaching Rock Bottom 25:13 Dumpster Wake Up Call 26:13 Paranoia And Consequences 26:45 First AA Meeting 27:26 AA Love And Critiques 29:57 Dry Drunk Reality 31:21 Prayer Routine And Fitness 34:05 Vulnerability Becomes Coaching 35:35 Rebuilding Identity Blueprint 38:29 Fitness As A New Addiction 40:11 Integrity And Karma Shift 42:09 Advice For Day One 44:33 Where To Find Him 45:02 Light At The Tunnel 46:24 Redefining Success 47:37 Quotes And Future Self 50:02 Closing Hope And Gratitude

Allie Clark on Narcissistic Family Trauma, CPTSD, and Finding Sobriety Without “No Contact” | Rock Bottom with Ryan
On Rock Bottom with Ryan and Rachel, guest Allie Clark (Kansas City area) shares how her drinking changed the day her mother died—publicly framed as kidney cancer but actually an opioid overdose tied to treatment—leading to years of blackout drinking, especially on Thanksgiving. She describes growing up with a narcissistic mother behind a polished exterior, including punishment around eating, medical neglect, and lasting self-hate and perfectionism. Motherhood and giving birth in the same hospital retriggered trauma, escalating her daily drinking and later dangerous wine-and-Xanax use after a breakdown. Now nearing nine years sober (June 23, 2017), Allie discusses CPTSD symptoms, somatic tools, and a therapist’s view that forgiveness isn’t required to heal. She explains her Sober Dream Team coaching helping women stay sober while navigating narcissistic dynamics and boundaries, especially through holidays.
 
00:00 Hidden Cause of Death 00:56 PTSD and Triggers 01:28 Show Intro and Sponsor 03:50 Meet Ally Again 04:52 Wine and Xanax Blackouts 06:16 Mom’s Death Changed Drinking 09:26 Narcissistic Family Mask 13:26 Motherhood Rekindles Trauma 17:40 Daily Drinking to Xanax 19:55 Self Worth and Perfectionism 21:35 Breaking the Cycle Parenting 23:58 Somatic Tools for Healing 25:50 Filling the Emotional Void 26:01 Academics as Escape 27:17 Trauma in the Body 29:06 Forgiveness and Healing 31:38 Sobriety as Foundation 33:50 Coaching Through Narcissism 38:24 When Narcissists Retaliate 45:13 Misunderstood Survival Mode 48:03 Advice and Rock Bottom 51:10 Closing Gratitude

From 37 Years in the Army to a Bio-Thriller: Randal Maurer on Threat Unseen, Purpose, and Veteran Advocacy | Rock Bottom with Ryan
In this episode of Rock Bottom with Ryan, Ryan interviews Randal Maurer, author of the biological thriller Threat Unseen, focusing on how Randal’s 37-year Army career and plant biology background shaped his writing. Randal shares growing up in rural Wisconsin, joining the Army at 17, early independence overseas in Germany, years split between active duty and the reserves, and retiring in June 2023 before selling most of his belongings to travel full-time by camper with his wife. He explains the novel’s premise: how real plant and fungal research, including genetic manipulation, could be used for good or catastrophic crop die-offs if exploited. Randal discusses his transition struggles, PTSD treatment experiences, and his mission to encourage veterans to seek help and watch for those silently struggling. He also previews a potential sequel inspired by travels in Germany and Spain.
 
00:00 Teen to Germany 01:00 Helping Fellow Veterans 01:26 Show and Sponsor Intro 02:58 Meet Randal Maurer 05:43 Roots and Family Values 08:13 Joining at Seventeen 10:25 Early Army Adjustments 12:06 Reserve to Active Duty 14:11 Threat Unseen Origins 19:32 Science Behind the Thriller 23:18 Military Shaping the Hero 25:07 Drafts and Leadership Lens 28:21 Researching Realism 29:45 Writing With Restraint 30:30 Could Threats Be Real 31:43 AI And Creativity 33:37 Dream Movie Casting 34:57 Reading Influences 36:55 Military PTSD Journey 42:29 Veteran Advocacy Mission 44:18 Next Novel Tease 46:01 Message And Five Years 48:00 Rock Bottom Lessons 51:05 Advice And Wrap Up

From Cocaine Rock Bottom to Recovery: Richard’s Story & Inside Ark House Rehab | Rock Bottom with Ryan
 
Richard, from Scarborough in North Yorkshire, shares how early alcohol use and a pressured upbringing led to a long, escalating cocaine addiction that progressed from social use to daily dependence, car-park and hotel binges, job loss, debt, and an attempted suicide plan. A WhatsApp message from his 11-year-old son prompted him to admit he was an addict and seek help, leading to treatment at Ark House on 5/4/2020. He describes surrendering, recognizing he was also alcoholic, finding a higher power in the sea, and using 12-step work and counseling to face trauma and stop using. Richard explains Ark House’s structured, abstinence-based program, confidentiality, phone restrictions, assessments, co-ed capacity, aftercare via Zoom, and staff with lived experience. He now works there, helps others access detox and treatment, and advises listeners to reach out, attend meetings, get a sponsor, and do daily recovery work.
 
00:00 Coke Car Park Spiral 01:28 Podcast Intro Sponsor 02:57 Meet Richard Sober Date 04:05 Childhood Pressure Abuse 06:31 Alcohol Early Coping 08:35 Forced Bank Career 11:03 First Cocaine Hit 13:04 Addiction Takes Over 15:47 IVF Losses Debt Jobs 18:18 Rock Bottom Suicide Plan 19:41 Confession Rehab Call 21:13 Surrender Ark House 23:09 Choosing Ark House Intake 24:27 Tough Love Breakthrough 25:15 Step Three Surrender 26:17 Owning The Problem 27:42 Last Use Realization 29:25 Why Arkhouse Works 31:30 Structure And Confidentiality 33:59 First Month Challenges 35:34 Helping Resistant Clients 38:34 Choosing Recovery Yourself 40:47 From Alumni To Staff 44:56 Daily Recovery Routine 45:50 Reach Out For Help 47:15 Closing Thanks And Signoff